No. No no no. There are no feet involved in this blog post, you’ll be pleased to hear… URGH. Feet. Gross. They give me the shudders. Yuck.
Oh yeah. Day Two!
|I’m TRYING, all right??
Jeez. Give a girl a break!
Well, I figured, if I was really going to try to scare myself out of my comfort zone, I might as well go the whole hog. Seriously. Not holding back at all. I knew without a doubt what the MOST scary thing for me was – it was chasing my dream, and admitting it to those around me.
Long story short…. today, I applied for my dream. I told Mr Cuckoo, and my folks, and my awesome brother and sister-in-law, who all gave me some valuable advice with my application, and at lunch, after ‘proof reading’ my application (I’ll be honest, by this point I was so buzzed on coffee and adrenaline, I wasn’t really doing anything more than reading and re-reading it, and thinking ‘oh please let this work’), I literally took a massive deep breath, and hit that send button. Done. I had officially applied for my dream.
Phew. I felt more exhausted than after a kickboxing session where I’ve had my ass handed to me. This was so much harder. Because I knew that I wasn’t going to keep it a secret that I had applied. I wasn’t going to stay very quiet, in case nothing came of it. That’s not the point of Me? Mad!! May. The point is to truly scare myself and be honest about it!
So here you go, this is me being honest with you about it. I applied for something that I want terribly, like so SO badly. And you know what? I’m probably not going to get it. In fact, I have no chance in hell of getting it. And when I’m politely rejected, I’m going to be totally gutted. People will ask me, and I’ll have to say ‘No, I didn’t get it.’ or even ‘No, they never even replied’. And that will suck. But you know what would suck even more? Not applying at all, because I didn’t want to be vulnerable enough to admit that I wanted it out loud.
You know what? When I’d hit that send button, and had a moment or two of deep calming breaths, I suddenly wanted to run around that café giving everyone a high-five. Not because I have a chance at my dream (no really, I don’t want you to get excited on my behalf, because seriously guys, there’s just no way) but because I’d done the hard part. I’d plucked up the courage and determination to put myself out there for something that really matters to me, and it felt freaking AWESOME.
The best bit? I spent the rest of the afternoon coming up with loads of awesome ideas that I would have never ever had the balls to come up with before this. It’s like, once you step out of your comfort zone, you suddenly see so many opportunities around you that were out of your eyeshot before. Which is so cool, but….. SCARY. I know, right? No shit Sherlock.
One thing’s for sure: If I manage to get through this month without having a heart attack, it’ll be a miracle!
Oh yeah! I guess I should probably get a-postin’ my me-mades, eh?
All squinty-eyed but with a post-application cheesy grin.
What? The dress? Oh yeah, a recently made Skater dress that I’ve not
bothered blogging about. I love it, because it’s comfy but looks pretty.
Take-aways from this blog post?
1) Scaring yourself is pretty cool.
2) I hate feet. Really.
3) I need to work out a new hairstyle, or have my hair cut, or learn to style it or SOMETHING, especially as Mr Cuckoo has informed me that I have a very small head. Dick. He’s one to talk, you should see what he’s done to his beard.
PS – No, I’m not telling you what it was I applied for…. One step at a time! It was bad enough admitting that I applied for something I really wanted without also admitting what it was. You never know, I may ‘fess up eventually.
Now I’m going to go and have a g&t and play on Dark Souls, quite possibly the most rage-inducing game I have ever played. I love it.